Self-love: Story of a New-born Human

Suddenly, I cried. I didn’t know what crying was and why I’m doing it. I was reacting to the confusion of changing my surrounding, blinded by artificial hospital lights. I was experiencing life, what ever that meant. It was there, it was now, it was all there was. It was all I was. I was born.

After they handed me to my mother, I stopped crying. I was back in my safe zone. I knew this feeling from before although I didn’t know how to define it – it was an experience, again. It was love. I emerged from that state into some little creature with a pale skin body. All I could be at that moment was what I knew from before – so I was love.

If you would be completely honest with me now, would you say you are pure love?

Do you feel full of love towards yourself and others or does any of those tanks feel half-empty?
If by your answer you defined yourself as feeling half-empty or even completely empty, join me on this ride to shine the light on why is this so and how we can reverse that feeling to true Self-love and Self-respect. There’s no better time to love yourself then now!

What has changed from when we were born?

In essence nothing, in the pressence of ego – everything.

We’ve all been there. It was not long ago when I had serious doubts and fears about my future, when I didn’t feel loved and didn’t stand up for myself. It was always more important to please the people around me, even if that meant doing something I didn’t want to do.

Although I never got away from the idea of pursuing a carreer only in things I love to do, not-respecting myself reflected mostly in my work. Because I never wanted a separation between the work and my way of life, it incorporated itself into my personal life and relationships with other people.

So why did I struggle so much with it?

Working in your desired field of bussiness doesn’t mean it will be easy and there will not be big challenges and challenging people to deal with. And that is ok. This is how we learn and grow – through experience. The problem was I was ignoring the signs my intuition was giving me, and it was because I was so caught up in the habit of sacrificing myself for others and the future potential of that specific company. Actions and effort became almost always contradictory to self-respect.

 

Self-awareness as a tool to fullfiling life

If we go to the root of it all, we will see that this lack of love and respect towards ourselves comes from how we were raised. In essence we were slowly conditioned to question every step we make with the process of awards and punishments by our parents and authorities. When we grew up we continued to condition ourselves with the same process. Whenever we do something that we think is not good, we will punish ourselves with a strong focus on the problem in which we start to live in and turn ourselves into victims.

Being aware of our thoughts and actions IS what shapes our decisions and future – because by becoming aware of it you start living in the “now”. It is only in now when you can self-reflect. It is only in now where you can see where you are, who you really are and where you WANT to go. It is only in now where you can start loving yourself again.

So, how do we do this?

There are 5 stages I developed from my own experience:

1. Take an astronaut’s perspective

At this point in my life, it’s perfectly clear. Sometimes you have to move yourself away from the situation to be able to see it for what it is.

a)    Visualize  that you are leaving your body. Start observing the situation in which you are.

b)    Move away from it and look at the people around you and their worries.

c)    Move further away and look at the environment people are in.

d)    Move further away and look at the this pale blue dot that is Earth.

Do you still feel attached to the situation you were in?

 

2. Return into “Now”

This time awareness goes to our body.

a)     Stop doing whatever you were doing. Focus on your breath  so much that thoughts don’t have any room.

b)     Pay attention how your shirt touches your back and how your pants touch your legs. If you’re standing, pay attention to your feet – touching the ground, to your arms, to the sensation of being cold or warm.

c)     Become aware of sounds that surround you, every car outside, every bird, water driping in the sink… If you are listening to music, analyze every instrument that you can hear. Become the observer.

d)     Become aware of Silence. Silence in which these sounds come in and out of existence. Silence which allows the existence of vibrations with different frequencies that reach our ears. Become aware of your other senses – smells around you, the flavor of every food or drink. Be in the moment and observe.

3. Write a „I’m grateful for...“ list

There are so many things, people, relationships, moments and opportunities to be grateful for. Start with something small like „I’m grateful for waking up before my alarm went off“ to „I’m grateful for the moment I met my partner“. Expand the list daily with new and old moments.

Gratitude always comes from love and heads toward love. Being aware we cannot love those moments, people, relationships unless there is love in ourselves is crucial.

 

4. Fill up the „Respect tank“

You cannot completely and honestly love someone unconditionally until you love yourself. To love and respect yourself you have to start respecting your decisions, body and your limits.
This you can do with 3 steps:

a)    Always choose the decision which has a higher vibrational point.

When you have to choose between two options, visualize each one and take  notice which one made you slightly happier and more hopeful. Go with it with complete trust and a feeling it already turned out perfectly how you want it.

b)    Work for your body

Your body is not just for esthetic purposes. It is an extraordinary vehicle which works in ways we cannot comprehend. Treat it well by feeding it right food, thoughts and activity. Do anything that you love – play like a child, walk, dance… everything is an exercise. Body only wants movement without psychological resistance.

c)    Be true to yourself.

Say NO to people when you mean it, say YES when you mean it. Say exactly what you mean and don’t let them make assumptions. Don’t make assumptions yourself. Try to remove words like “maybe”, “should”, “would”, “could” from your conversations (especially with yourself).

5.     You never lost it

Final step is what awareness is all about – realizing that you were born from love and you will go into love. In between you are love with a lot of masks. You cannot escape from it. By doing all this steps you will succeed to re-condition yourself. To remove the masks. To peel off the layers of ego, doubt and insecurity.

 

You see, the problem was we were taught happiness is waiting to be found somewhere behind the construction of “I”. Nothing is further from the truth. Happiness is a construct of awareness, it lies in our focus upon ourselves. It is not a goal, it is a starting point.

When we realize this –  every problem becomes a challenge and every fear becomes an excitement for the unknown to become known. It is not to say we need to be happy all the time, but to be aware that we emerged from love and that we will always stay pure love, is what matters. This changes everything. This gives us a chance to recognize and use all other emotions as they are supposed to be used – for growth.

You, my friend, are a source. You always have been, you always will be. Be true to yourself and watch the life unfolds.

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